I choke on my own throat in my sleep
It sounds like a lawnmower if you're in the room with me
I had to buy a new machine that allows me to breathe
It makes me think I shouldn't be here, and maybe I shouldn't be

It's heavier than I've gotten recently
They ripped the cancer out of my face, I never left the TV
Treated every single day like a coin on a string
Never punch in my initials, never leave anything

I was never a failure because of my shape
It was always about who I was
And I've got this body that's trying to kill me
And I'm trying to be someone that I think it could love (I could love)

Given up on knowing which one came before
Hate yourself, assume they hate you, hurt your friends even more
Gonna break that wheel for once, keep what I can afford
I want to run out of things to forgive myself for

I was never a goner because of my fate
But I gave in and made it who I was
And I've got this body that's trying to kill me
And I'm trying to be someone that I think it could love

So shoulder the weight
Taking a dive now
Try saving face
Let everyone down
It's a fiction you can't learn from
Never was real
Nothing will fix you
When you don't want to heal

Never on time a day in my life
But I'm working to catch myself up
And I've got this body that's trying to kill me
But I'm trying to be someone that I think it could love