Was barely there in time A change of clothes in the suitcase At least I saw you see me as the door closed Now the sky starts to swerve And the shepherd of my nightmares Assembles himself just outside the window Your old leather chair Nobody dares sit there Scared they might disturb your ghost at rest And the benefit of the doubt Doesn't seem so noble now With me in this empty house I had barely been asleep I dreamed that you dropped your suitcase As if you simply changed the place you live now More angry than I miss you And I can't control all my movements I keep saying things that I know I'll never live down But it's so nice to see How every time you're smiling Though I can't ever seem to show my best You were taller than all my doubts You were wrong, but damn I'm proud How we filled out this empty house But you wanted to say you'd passed their test For the people who let you down To say you were a good man

I choke on my own throat in my sleep It sounds like a lawnmower if you're in the room with me I had to buy a new machine that allows me to breathe It makes me think I shouldn't be here, and maybe I shouldn't be It's heavier than I've gotten recently They ripped the cancer out of my face, I never left the TV Treated every single day like a coin on a string Never punch in my initials, never leave anything I was never a failure because of my shape It was always about who I was And I've got this body that's trying to kill me And I'm trying to be someone that I think it could love (I could love) Given up on knowing which one came before Hate yourself, assume they hate you, hurt your friends even more Gonna break that wheel for once, keep what I can afford I want to run out of things to forgive myself for I was never a goner because of my fate But I gave in and made it who I was And I've got this body that's trying to kill me And I'm trying to be someone that I think it could love So shoulder the weight Taking a dive now Try saving face Let everyone down It's a fiction you can't learn from Never was real Nothing will fix you When you don't want to heal Never on time a day in my life But I'm working to catch myself up And I've got this body that's trying to kill me But I'm trying to be someone that I think it could love

The garden's too far overgrown It's precisely why I won't come around It took me way too long to realize The fear of God was an easy way out Spray a little bit of blood for the cameraman That's never gonna let me down Call it easy like a coin on a string Just don't get back up for another round I wanted for people to see me forgive you More than I really want to forgive To know I overcame what you put me through And I won't have to sit anymore with it I drank until I couldn't pretend I don't see you And I got these rings hanging under my eyes Never going to punch in our initials Or make it right I could have done a single good thing But I let the weeds simply overtake it I could have stopped that wheel from rolling Over the both of us instead of it breaking I don't know if I can't be angry Because I never gave myself a chance to dig And now I'm calling you a punchline Every time I let myself slip I wanted for people to see me forgive you I wanted the power of just being seen I wanted for people to know what I won't do Rather than ask you what you really mean I move until your own words fall out of my skull And I'll paint my own X's over my eyes Just make it easier for me Even if you have to lie I wanted for people to know I forgave you But I never really want to learn to forgive I gave you the currency that you need to Carry on hurting everybody else with it I guess I'm learning to mean what I'm saying And I'm gonna look you in both of the eyes Man it's a cheap coin but its the heaviest one we could find

Sorting through the things you never threw away I came alone, they were all too scared to show their face Never getting better, I don't remember it being good Save for two weeks after you told me it would It must be hard to live in your own skin But it's easy to keep you away Can't break the wheel if you're not gonna shoulder The weight of the things that you say I tried to force my way in when you locked me out You were turning down the volume when it got too loud It only comes out how you see it, I tried to work from memory I hate you and I love you equally It always follows beneath the water And it won't ever let me relax If I can't see you why even bother With the weight of the love that I lack I am tripping up the stairs And crying in the bathroom I am overwhelmed by every Tripwire left around you I am praying you cut us loose and Left me where they found you It must be hard to live in your own skin Might be harder to keep you away Can't break the wheel if you're not gonna shoulder The weight of the things that you say It always follows beneath the water And I barely can keep it at bay It's hard to see why you'd even bother For so long with the things that I say Neither of us ever see that room again But I think I'll smell you smoking when the fan kicks in I dreamt last night we met our eyes with laughter choked and hushed An inside joke between the two of us

I woke up again this time I thought I had slept for weeks Thumbing in my pocket The last two times that I heard you speak I am everything I was You're passion at it's peak Leg popped out of socket You're still the last thing that I can't beat Someone's getting left again In the back of the car that I left you in With everyone I ever hit For years driving under your influence And I could probably take you See I'm still drunk inside my dorm room Hiding from the Lord Or shivering in back of the van while My friends drive me through the storm Was always dressed a little bit better Than I could afford Now find my body still laying on the couch Getting everything I paid for Feeling sorry for myself once more Now if it's worthless, here I am again In the back of the car that I wrote you in I am all you'll ever be Just synapses extrapolating memories And if I'm honest, how the hell could I Let a fraction of anything you are survive But if you won't ever leave me be Let me take my comeuppance and bury me Because I'd rather just be forgotten So if I'm getting left alone Do I still want to be here to haunt my home It's getting harder to stay convinced That there's a light and we're gonna have to dig for it And take it for whatever it is I guess Stuck in back of the car where I blessed this mess Not everything that I'd like to be But regardless of whatever I'm now, it's me And I could probably forget you