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Where I'm Gonna Die

by Midcard

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1.
Black Cloud 02:27
I’m losing my edge Everything starts to make too much sense I’ve got my eyes on the apex Forget all the checkpoints I’m not supposed to forget I’m losing the flavor The ironic taste of blood in my mouth I wanna call for the head of my leaders I miss being what everyone’s worried about And I’m not sure I shouldn’t want Whatever’s happening to me Like a hit full of menthol, I think I might need it to breathe All the boys will be boys I’m old enough now that I guess I accept it Don’t forget where you’ve come from, boy Don’t forget when you learned that everything is connected I’m losing my footing Potential energy falling to more comfortable states A squandered projection Sometimes I wonder if I even deserve to change Put your damn foot down, make your mom proud And act like you’ve got something to lose If I get to heaven, I’d rather show up black and blue So scatter my ashes across as many states as you can afford to drive I want to be some devilish mist on the horizon, I want to be a black cloud haunting the sky Let all the ghosts crawl down my throat Let me dissolve into a thick smoke As I burn alive
2.
I played prodigal for the story, I came home and was proud of it. I played cops and robbers And made sure that my side would always win. Not for nothing, but my cards Were always face up on the draw. Oh god I wish you could have seen it When I sang that awful song: “So if I die, let me die With a shotgun by my side So everybody knows how hard I fought to live, And let them write my name backwards On a banner over the square. I want every last one to look at it.” Then I would call myself out bleeding, “look at the devil that I’ve slain.” Nobody left to paint my picture, So I guess I’ve lost my game. And I would make sure you could see me, I would shiver while I prayed. A little hair of the dog while I’m waiting for God Just to dig the tomb I crave. So if I die, let me die, Just go ahead and take my spine, And I will blather on about how hard this is. Let them tear my name to pieces, I’m not worth what it’s printed on If the best I can do is throw a fit. So I suppose I could have been bitter At having lost the taste of joy. And I could have dragged you down with me Like a selfish little boy. But if my story’s what’s important, I think a better one would be Me ending all this self indulgence, Putting my clothes on and walking free. So if I die, let me die With my friends all at my side. No more dim-lit mirrors, no an end that I can see. We will not drink to numb the soreness, But to toast that we’re alive, And we will all forget what we pretend to be.
3.
Dakshinkali 01:59
I stared upward for hours after waking Made out faces in the paint Felt the stinging that’s fermenting in my right hip Stoically wished the roof would cave I don’t know, I guess we’ll see I expect that this is probably gonna sting A song in my head like a frozen forest shouting Sounds like a belt is gonna slip Guarded mutterings to Kali the Destroyer But captains never leave the ship Open up black clouds above Someday soon I know my number’s gonna come
4.
I had a dream I made best friends with my enemy Laughing for the first time in years once again Our shared lover was dead, we both cleared our heads singing, “Brother, I forgive you for your sins.” And I’ve already told you all how I’m sorry I just made such a damned fool out of me I don’t think I really loved you, but I had too much work to do You were never the ends but the means I could have sworn I didn’t need anything But as it turns out, there wasn’t much that we thought about I could’ve tried to evolve and actually value my friends Instead of feeling so sorry and merely crawling around I feel it starting again Well I pray that I do better than my father And I hope my children will be nothing like me Because worse always comes to worse, and we get what we deserve So I hope you all learn earlier than me I shouted for years and now The conversation’s over I could have sworn I didn’t need anything But as it turns out, there was too much that we fought about I could’ve acted evolved and actually valued my friends Instead of feeling so sorry and always lying around I’ll never do it again
5.
Kolkata 02:10
I’m a multi-boroughed city, each with their own beating hearts Pushing out all of the culture for hi-rise hotels and polished martini bars And I don’t know quite how it happened, but it’s me nonetheless Let me wake up and remember that Somewhere in Kolkata There’s a man who owns a shop and knows my name And asks my mother any time that she is there if I am ever coming back But here in texas I’m still trying to build something Like I’m always building something, when not sleeping it off or bracing for attack I’m an old forgotten language spoken by once-ruling kings Or a psalm written by david that he never ever sings Please nobody write this down, I think it’s better in the moment You ‘ll be laughing when I say How somewhere in Dubai There’s an amusement park they never finished building And the entrance only points to desert and a roller coaster you probably shouldn’t ride Half full buildings scrape the sky, all ambition and no theory And I ask myself if it’s ever good to let a good thing die
6.
I think I was 4 years old they first taught me the story of Adam and Eve Buttoned collar, parted hair, a clip on tie, baby teeth Now at 26 I think that the basis of most everything I believe Is that somewhere in an eastern country, there's a house that was built for me Where a man once sat on his lawnmower with a son upon his lap And his good wife waving out to them from the front porch that they had But now there's somebody who's renting it out, keeping it from me Empty rooms, smoky answers, and my first few memories I should probably be ashamed but I’m not at all And you’ve been such a menace to my never ceasing jaw No matter how much has changed, we’ll not evolve Hung up like a picture on an old living room wall Forgave myself so easily for not forgiving anyone I’ve practiced subtle acquiescence since the day I was born Gave my worst to those who love me and my best to those that don’t I’ve run out of old confessions, But I can’t make my new ones known I should probably be ashamed, but I’ve forgotten it Fake a new beginning atop of where the old one sits And no matter how much is changed, I still shake in shifts Stop singing about your bones if your body is what’s sick I’ve got pain like a cancer, I’ve got pain like a cancer, I’ve got pain like a cancer in my soul I’ve got rage like a whiskey, I’ve got rage like a whiskey, I’ve got rage like a whiskey in my soul I’ve got hate like a desert, I’ve got hate like a desert, I’ve got hate like a desert in my soul, I’ve got doubts like the oceans, i’ve got sins like the mountains, Ain’t no peace like a river in my soul.
7.
Foxhole 03:13
All my transgressions Piled behind my house All my confessions I tied em all down And i set you on fire, Threw you onto the pile This is where i belong This is where i’m gonna die All my old songs I wrote them all down And ripped them to shreds On the outskirts of town So take what you want I wrote them for me Just to die like a soldier In a hole two feet deep One day you’ll see all you thought was important Was nothing. When you find your mistake You won’t find your footing at all I’m afraid Hallelujah, what have i done?

about

Thanks to all our families, friends, and ladies for being so supportive.
Special thanks to Aaron English, Joey Chance, and Matthew Hagerman for helping to keep this thing off the ground.

credits

released June 30, 2015

Austin Norman - Vocals, Guitar, Drums
Chad Jaso - Bass
Drew Griffith - Guitar

Recorded in April 2015 at Fathom Tree Studios in Austin, TX (www.thefathomtree.com)
Recording and production by Matthew Hagerman
Mastering by Keith Gary (www.keithgaryproductions.com)
Art and design by Ryan Lewis (www.ryanlewisdesign.com)

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Midcard Austin, Texas

Midcard is a rock band from Austin, TX.

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