Maybe once a week this year I've been dreaming that I die Bleeding out in public places While the gunman walks outside And I think I really hate it here This faux-religious ploy I'm always homesick, and maybe Really that's the point Watched Evangelion in a single afternoon And couldn't stand it You'd think wielding my depression Like a weapon would be on-brand Taking potshots at my friends Who're keeping heads above their doubts Life can't just be giving goodbyes Until I'm out Slowly swallowed by static Headlights drowned out by the dark Nobody changed a thing We're just getting farther apart I think I still want to be here No matter how bad it's been Remember how I said no one Will ever speak for me again Now the worst people alive Who have coasted on forgiveness Are leeching off my friends and family Such an awful thing to witness Like a savior or a vampire Either way, invited in Life's just paying penance For when you slip Slowly swallowed by static Staying put until it's done It all moves away faster Than I could ever hope to run I think I still want to be here No matter how bad it's been Remember how I said no one Will ever speak for me again Catatonic or just resting I get them constantly confused Terrified that every good time Will be punctuated by bad news I am the Black Cloud in your mirror I will not blot out the sky Not doing anything wrong per se But not doing anything right Get my bell rung every night Getting swallowed by static Headlights drowned out by the dark Nobody changed a thing We're just getting farther apart I think I still want to be here No matter what state I'm in Remember how I said no one Will ever speak for me again But I am the ghost between the stations I will be here until I'm not It's all got to go somewhere No matter how hard you fought I think I still want to be here No matter how bad it's been Remember how I said no one Will ever speak for me again

Try to not hate living here See my new niece grow up only through pictures Probably get drunk again while I read Superman Poring over the words like it's scripture Then wake up and do it over again Learn my life's just a brick through your window Hope to God we're gonna be fine Really hope we're gonna be fine But I'm getting so used to hearing, "No" Might lose the forest for the trees If I fall, I really don't think you'll hear me I was so full of shit before all of this Well now I feel completely empty Spend a week lost in albums made by my friends Near the only thing that helps me feel rested Hate myself for an hour for how angry I'm getting Then feel worse for not being more effective This really may be as good as it gets for a while So try to be present But I hear the bartender talk about his kids In a way that makes me honestly jealous All my hope's pretty gone But the show must go on So take a shot and hum along to some Elvis I wanna stumble through your downtown again I wanna get sad without thinking it's over I wanna let down my guard It shouldn't have to be this hard For me to want to stay sober

Shaking when you find that all the old songs are dark songs Blood is leaking through the front door James thinks he really heard something in the fog If I thought it was true, I wouldn't be here anymore A local gave a gift to him colored black and woodgrain I guess it scared a few idiots His parents said it wasn't gonna come home with him Don't know what it is so assume it's insidious Breathlessly trudge over the line of midnight Just trying to keep my hands occupied Not doing anything wrong per se but Not doing anything right If your intention was to only coast your way through the darkness I think it's fair that it swallows you But he swears to God he found something in the fog I don't know anymore which one I'm talking to Try to pin down when the switch gets made It's more than a trick of the eye Not doing anything wrong per se but Not doing anything right I've got the luxury to not feel loved right now Some didn't make it alive Not doing anything wrong per se but Not getting anything right

I used to think me a hammer And everything nails Nowadays I hold nothing Can't even handle myself And nobody will see me If I could just hit my stride Put my life on the rails and I'll ride Convulse back to life Try to guess what it means Twenty eyes staring daggers Try hard to scream I reach for the banks As my body veers Try remembering a record From my college years And a song about God Is going to bring me to tears Am I the last of my kind Or is that how it appears No more "Holy, Holy, Holy Lord" We don't sing that song around here anymore We don't sing that song around here anymore

I can't hear what you call me But I think you're a coward And I see it the most in the way That you hide behind God Like you're damned to repeat me But God doesn't bother to say For the third time this year I think I resent you The captain goes down with the ship I got too liquored up And called you a punchline The first time I let myself slip You don't make it easy To crawl out from under you I still want to be here But I don't know what else to do I might survive the evening Then live forever But I just don't know if it's true So just take it easy It's the end of the world I don't want to stay here Just watching the edges all curl Make it easier To crawl out from under you I still want to be here But I don't know what else to do I might survive the evening And then live forever Happy and perfect and new So I guess we'll see if it's true